You're Only Young Twice
by Admiral Albia
Summary: In order to prove himself to the Ministry, Sirius is turned back into a teenager and sent to Hogwarts for a year. But he forgot he was a `special needs` student...
1. Prologue

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Synopsis; As a test to see what side he's on, Sirius is sent to Hogwarts for a year; Remus goes with him. 

Note; Despite the fact that this is set in the same year as _Raindrops and Rosebuds_, all the character backgrounds are the same. Note; the storyline isn't, the BACKGROUNDS are. James and Lily are NOT alive in this, nor will they come to life. I will reintroduce all the backgrounds though, so don't worry about that. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, more's the pity *sniffs*. I also don't own any and all of the song lyrics which will be appearing in later chapters.   


Chapter One; Prologue   
"This is ridiculous," Sirius growled. "How am I meant to persuade you of my innocence if you twist everything I say?" He smiled suddenly. "Would you like me to find another way of convincing you?" 

"Sirius," Remus said patiently, "I don't think they want to listen to the courtroom speech from _Time doth Fly_. Yes, it's a very moving speech, and yes, you do it very well, but please _don't_ declaim it now..." But his friend wasn't listening. Almost before Remus had finished speaking, he was standing with his hands folded across his stomach, and speaking a part which, years ago, had brought tears to the eyes of even the toughest critics. 

"Then how shall I prove myself? For to speak is to die, and yet to remain silent is to die also. Must I sacrifice myself to such an injust cause?" He turned towards the table, facing an imaginary crowd, and spread his arms. "Brothers, sisters all, I speak my heart... yet my heart cannot speak save through my lips, and my lips they do lie...or so I am told, and who am I to decide what truth is in my speaking? I am no judge, no jury, no lawyer. Yet I speak truth, I think, for my heart tells me it is true. Whyfore then can I not speak? Is my heart's speech so terrifying that it must be silenced? Is that why I must now be convicted, sentenced, killed? I tell you again, my heart says I am innocent. And what man does not trust his heart? A cold man indeed, I think, for why should not a man with a heart trust his heart? I am told to eat my words; should I now eat my heart? For surely if they are the same, then-" 

The assembly sat in silence. Occasionally someone sniffed, but eventually Remus got himself enough under control to say softly, and in a voice which trembled, "Sirius... I think... you can stop now..." Sirius sighed, nodded, sat down and watched the effect his speech had had on the assembly. 

Dumbledore produced a large hanky and blew his nose, saying softly, "Yes, well... as I was saying... surely a trial, Cornelius...?" Fudge dabbed at his eyes, which looked rather red, and nodded. 

"Yes... yes, of course he should have a trial... how about... Hogwarts?" 

"I'm not going into another courtroom as long as I live," Sirius said quickly. "No matter where it's set." He sighed. "Can't you give me some other sort of test?" Fudge nodded mildly, still somewhat under the spell of _Time doth Fly_, as performed by Sirius Black. 

"Of course. How about..." Fudge paused. Dumbledore spoke. 

"Why not send him to Hogwarts and see how he does for a year? He'll be near people who he supposedly wishes to kill, so surely that would be a good test?" 

"Yeah, why not?" Remus suggested. "I'll even go with him if you like.... you know, to hold him back..." The Minister for Magic considered this. Then he nodded. 

"Seems fair to me. Why not Sort him, too?" 

"The Hat would only put him in the same house as before," Dumbledore said calmly. "It contains safeguard spells to prevent students from trying to get themselves re-Sorted, you see." 

"Ah." 

/\/\/\   
I solemnly swear that I will endeavour to finish this story!


	2. Diagon Allley and Lly

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

The action starts! Harry, Ron and Hermione meet Sirius and Remus in Diagon Alley... or is that Alll_e_y? Wonderig why the sudden Welsh infl_e_ctions? Well, read and see ^_^ 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; Don't own it. Don't even own half the plot. Do, however, own Sirius' impressions of James' Welsh _a_cc_e_nt and the plot for this chapter, at least. Well, most of it. Don't even own the Shakespeare quotes Sirius will be using. Ah well. 

Warning; Could get angsty. Not sure yet. 

Chapter Two; Diagon _A_lll_e_y and Lly   
Sirius and Remus literally bounced into the room, grinning like maniacs. Fudge frowned. 

"Are you sure we gave them the right dosage?" Dumbledore nodded. 

"Yes; they were just very hyperactive teenagers, is all." He paused, thought about this and corrected himself. "They _are_ very hyperactive teenagers. Sit down... boys?" 

Remus pulled a chair out and sat down, sobering up almost instantly as he turned his mind to more serious matters. Sirius, on the other hand, sat down and continued to fidget, seeming completely unable to stay still. The older Hogwarts teachers smiled reminiscently; Snape scowled; the newer ones looked confused. 

"Settle down, Mr Black," Fudge tried, hoping to stop the boy from moving so he could at least get a proper look at him. Sirius looked up, surprised, then shrugged and grinned. 

"Can't, sorry. God, I was one hyper teenager! I'd forgotten what it was like having this much energy!" He made an obvious attempt to sit still, gave up after about five seconds and began to bounce. "So, whaddawe do now?" 

"Even his speech has dengenerated," Snape muttered nastily. "A word, Black." 

"And but a word with one of us? Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow,"[1] Sirius snapped back, irritated by the comment about his language. 

"I would love to, but our dear Headmaster wouldn't permit it." Dumbledore coughed warningly. "Anyway, that spell will wear off about once a month. You'll both have to come to me and I'll sort you out for another month." 

"Great," Remus muttered saracstically. "_Another_ monthly appointment with Snape. As if one wasn't enough." 

"Consider yourselves lucky that it's not my choice whether I help you or not." 

"You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, and you will give me occasion." [2] Snape scowled. 

"I look forward to seeing you in my class, Black." 

"As do I. Hey, maybe I'll even break my own detention record!" 

"There's a new one, actually," Remus told him. Sirius looked mortified. 

"Someone... _broke_ my detention record?" 

"Two people," Professor McGonagall said. Sirius stared. "Messrs Weasley and Weasley were certainly boys after your own hearts..." Remus nodded. 

"They never got me though. I have that to be proud of. They never pranked Moony." 

"Well then, I'll have to beat _them_, won't I?" 

"Certainly you will," Dumbledore said. "I am sure Gryffindor will look forward to losing house points." 

"We always do," McGonagall said, glaring pointedly at Snape. "It's only because we have a first-rate Seeker that we ever get anywhere." She sighed and stood up. "Well, come on boys. I'll be taking you to Diagon Alley right now to get your things... and I'm sorry, but most of the textbooks have changed." 

/\/\/\

It just so happened, as things so often just so happen in stories, that this was also the day when three other main characters of the Harry Potter series went to do their school shopping. Coincidence, no? 

They dropped in on the newly-opened Weasley's Wizard Weezes while they were there, to see Fred and George before doing any more serious shopping. The place wasn't exactly full, but it wasn't empty either, and one voice in particular stood out over the rest. 

"Ye gods, boys, do you really _need_ all this stuff?" 

"McGonagall?" Ron hissed to Fred, who was nearby, "What's she doing here?" 

"By the look of it, buying stuff for a couple of sixteen-year-old boys," Fred whispered back. "I've never seen those two before in my life, though." He straightened up as to teacher navigated her way to the counter, followed by the two boys in question. 

"...and then there was the time Filch caught him, remember? Boy was that funny..." 

"No, the bit I always remember was that _aw_ful W_e_lsh _a_cc_e_nt..." The one with the black hair grinned. "D'you rem_e_meber his W_e_lsh _a_cc_e_nt?" The other one, the brown-haired one, nodded. 

"Just barely. Remind me." 

"W_e_ll, the thing about a W_e_lsh _a_cc_e_nt is that it goes up and down llike this and the ell sounds are allways pron_ou_nced as ll..." Harry frowned. He was sure he'd heard that voice black-hair was putting on somewhere before, he just wasn't sure where... 

"Yeah, but that's basic Welsh." 

"Yes... do you rem_e_mber the f_u_n we h_a_d try_ing _to get him to say `Lily`?" The last word wasn't accented. "It always came out as Lly..." 

"Oh yes... that was funny..." Brown-hair, now quite close to the counter, suddenly saw Harry. "So, whaddaya want to do with these when we get to school?" 

"Huh?" Brown-hair nodded quickly in Harry's direction. Black-hair followed his gaze, then nodded. "Ah. Well, I was thinking that if we put _that_ in _there_ and add water, then..." he smiled innocently as McGonagall turned around. "Hi, Professor!" She rolled her eyes. 

"Right. Can we go and get your books now?" The boys nodded, still talking animatedly as they followed her out of the shop. 

"Lly... Lly..." Harry frowned. "You know, I'm _sure_ I've heard that before somewhere..." 

"I think I've seen those two boys before somewhere," Hermione added. "In fact, I'm sure of it. But.... I don't think... they looked like that..." she trailed off, looking confused. 

"Lly..." Harry muttered. The answer was teetering on the edge of his consciousness, he _knew_ it was, he _knew_ he'd heard it before, he just couldn't think where..." 

"Harry?" Ron's voice broke through his thoughts. "Don't you think those boys looked familiar?" Harry paused. Now that he thought about it... but `Lly` was still pushing at him. 

"Yes... but that Welsh accent he did was more familiar..." he scowled. "Lly. Where have I heard that before?" 

"He said... that was how someone said `Lily`..." Hermione offered hesitantly. Harry slapped his forehead. 

"Of course! _That's_ where I'd heard it! `Lly! Take H_a_rry and r_u_n!` They even lived in Wales!" He set off at a dead run. "Come on, we've got to catch them up!" 

/\/\/\

"You're going to have to stop making fun of James," Remus said once he and Sirius were out of sight of Weasley's Wizard Weezes. Sirius nodded. 

"I know." He sighed. "Trouble is, I've been doing it so long I'm not sure I _can_ stop.... hey, is that a new song book?" Remus groaned.   
  
"Sirius, we're here for schoolbooks, not songbooks... my God, this scenario is familiar... Sirius, get your nose _out_ of the songbook..." But Sirius wasn't listening; his inner ear was doing all the work, and he was singing one of the songs in the book to himself; Remus could see his friend's lips moving and foot tapping, and he knew he'd lost him. The trouble with Sirius was, he threw all his heart and soul into his music and acting, because they were really the only life he had. This was fine on stage, but in a bookshop it wasn't so good. The other three Marauders had come to know the the playscript and music shelves of Flourish and Blotts as `The Shelves of No Return,` because Sirius would literally spend hours in front of them. A little way ahead of them, McGonagall realised that she was no longer being followed by two hyperactive teenagers and turned round. 

"Black, is that a schoolbook?" Her only answer was a vague humming. "Black?" 

"He's gone," Remus said simply. "You just have to wait until he's finished the song, and hope you can get the book out of his hands before he starts on the next one.." he sighed. "Drove us all mad before, as well." The teacher groaned. 

"Well then, perhaps you can help me get his schoolbooks too? We don't have time for this... what're you two doing this time around?" 

"Same as we did last time," Remus said helpfully. "We know we'll get good marks in those. We're both doing Arithmancy, Sirius is doing Care of Magical Creatures and I'm doing Divination..." he grinned. "With my classic prediction of `at full moon, I will undergo a painful and horrifying transformation,` I'm _sure_ to get good marks." 

"Ah yes, Sybill did mention that you were one of her best students and your predictions always came true..." 

"I have a very predictable life.... damn! I missed it! He's started on the next song now... ack! Here comes Harry!" 

"What's wrong with Harry?" McGonagall asked. Remus sighed. 

"Nothing's wrong with _Harry_, it's just that Sirius hasn't got out of the habit of making fun of James yet... and he's only half-alert right now, so he could start thinking Harry's James.... then Harry'll get upset and Sirius'll get depressed when he realises it's _not_ James, and... oh, drat, I'll be right back..." And Remus practically ran back to Sirius. 

"Hey, Harry." The younger (well, _technically_) boy looked somewhat surprised, but before he could speak Ron had butted in. 

"Do we know you?" 

"Ron," Harry mumbled, "I can look after myself..." Remus hid a grin. 

"Yes, you do know me, but you don't recognise me... ah-ha! Gottit!" Sirius looked up, jerked back to reality by the sudden removal of his precious book. 

"Hey! D'you mind? _Some_ people haven't read a good book in fourteen years, I'll have you know!" He made a grab for the book, but Remus dodged him. 

"Say hello to Harry first, Padfoot..." 

"Hm? Oh! Hi, Harry." Sirius glared at Remus. "Can I have my book back now?" 

"No. But we'll get McGonagall to buy it. I'm sure you can convince her that it's furthering your career or something..." 

"Um," Harry said. 

"But I wanna read it _now_!" 

"Sirius, you're whining. Quit whining." 

"Uh..." 

"I haven't had a good whine in years. Why aren't I allowed to whine?" 

"Hello?" The two remaining Marauders broke out of their bickering to look at Harry in mild surpise, and he got his first good look at them. 

They both looked younger than he remembered them, but that's stating the obvious. Sirius was the taller of the two, though only by a few inches; he seemed to be moving constantly, and right now he was doing a complex sort of tap-dance on the spot, apparently the closest he could get to standing still. He was wearing black jogging bottoms and a black T-shirt, which looked very odd when compared to his shoes, which could really have been office ones. His hair was short now, and he seemed cheerful enough, but something in his eyes betrayed this suggestion. 

Remus was standing a little shorter than Sirius, his brown hair shaggy as if it hadn't been so much cut as hacked off with a large blunt knife. Unlike his friend he was standing still, but there was something about his posture which suggested he wouldn't be for much longer. Every now and then he would reach up and scratch vigorously behind his ear. He was wearing robes; they were on the purple side of grey and a little too big for him, being presumeably ones from his adult wardrobe, and he was crrently wearing a look of long-suffering good humour. The only thing was, Remus seemed to be genuinely happy. 

"Sorry, Harry?" he said, holding the book a little further out of Sirius' reach. 

"What the hell is going on?" Ron asked bluntly. Sirius grinned wryly. 

"Someone hasn't been reading the paper..." 

"It's not in the paper." 

"Isn't it?" Sirius looked surprised. "Oh well. As I'm sure at least one of you knows, Dumbledore persuaded Fudge to give me a hearing, at which I persuaded him to give me something to prove myself with..." he rolled his eyes. "Moony here is coming with me because he doesn't have anything better to do and I need a friend... we're going back to Hogwarts..." 

"Unfortunately," McGonagall said dryly, having caught up with them. "I have to say nobody was particularly thrilled at the thought of having to put up with you two for another year..." 

"You love us really..." 

"No, we don't." 

"Oh." Sirius shrugged. "Well, it was worth a try... by the way, Professor, did you know you're a lot nicer when you're not teaching?" 

"The students aren't the only ones who go on holiday," McGonagall said calmly. 

"Of course not, Professor..." Remus said, glaring pointedly at Sirius, who shrugged. 

"Whatever... hey, you three, want to come with us?" He leaned a little closer to them and said, in a stage-whisper, "It'll be easier to shake the old bat off with more of us..." Remus, Ron and Harry laughed. Hermione frowned, and McGonagall smiled a little, to everyone's amazement. 

"Well, if nobody else is looking after them..." 

"Nah, they're with Ginny," Ron said dismissively. "She's got into some special class at school and they're trying to find the shop that'll sell the stuff she needs..." 

"Yes, and speaking of which, Sirius, can you help with something?" McGonagall asked. Sirius nodded. 

"Sure. What?" 

"Well, the Ministry have said you can't have a wand, but you need one for school... we were thinking of a stage-wand, but we need to find the shop..." 

"Sirius already _has_ a stage-wand," Remus volunteered. Sirius shook his head. 

"No I don't. Some idiot Auror took it off me, couldn't tell the difference between a trick thing which can't do curses no matter what you say and the most deadly piece of wood in the world..." he rolled his eyes and headed out of the shop. "This way." 

/\/\/\

[1]Shakespeare, _Romeo and Juliet_ - Act 3 Scene 1 lines 39 and 40. 

[2]Shakespeare, _Romeo and Juliet - _Act 3 Scene 1 lines 41 and 42. 

/\/\/\   
Next chapter; A wizarding stage shop, Siri's girlfriend and the start-of-year feast... and the House Sirius was _Sorted_ into... which isn't the same as the one he spent all his time in...


	3. Birds, Bees, Snakes and Wolves

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

A stage shop, Sirius' girlfriend, and the start-of-term feast at Hogwarts. Really, need we say more? 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. I don't own _Great Balls of Fire _by Jerry Lee Lewis, either. 

Warning; This chapter; Angsty, lots of swearing (Siri's talking about Peter). 

Chapter Three; Birds, Bees, Snakes and Wolves   
"In here," Sirius said, ducking into a small, dimly-lit shop which, quite frankly, looked about as attractive to customers as a herd of charging elephants, and about as grey. Then he stopped dead, causing a huge pile-up behind him as everyone else attempted to get in. They peered around him, trying to see what was causing the blockage. 

Someone was already in the shop; a tall, blonde woman who was currently flicking through a sheaf of papers. Every now and then she would stop and look critically at the costume rack, then say something to the the small, round man who was apparently the shopkeeper. They seemed to know each other quite well, and Sirius was staring like he remembered her. 

Remus took one look at his face, grinned wickedly and called out, "Hey, Emilily! Look who's here!" She spun round, and her eyes locked on Sirius, who to everyone's amazement began to back away; Remus rolled his eyes and shoved his friend into the shop. "Move, we want to get in." 

And so it was that Sirius Black's first meeting with his girlfriend in fourteen years involved his tripping over the shop's doorstep, yelling loudly, falling flat on his face and sliding majestically across the floorboards until he hit the counter, where he stopped. 

After a couple of seconds he stood up, brushed himself off, glared at Remus and said quietly, "Hi, Emilily..." 

"Sirius. You're looking young." 

"Age-Reversal. And I protest, I'm innocent, and I'm not a piece of dirt so stop damn' well looking at me like that!" 

"Prove it." Sirius sighed. 

"I'm fed up trying to prove it all the time," his voice receded as he vanished into the back room. "Why can't you just accept me?" 

Remus and the shopkeeper exchanged glances. Then, quite suddenly, they both turned and followed him. 

The others were left with Emilily, who they suddenly realised was crying. Looking very awkward, McGonagall (as the only person who knew her) patted her on the shoulder and began to murmur something to her... the woman looked up, surprised, then to their amazement said, "Oh, _shit_," and ran into the back room. 

Things in the back room weren't going much better. Sirius wasn't crying, but he was squatting on the floor, hugging his knees and with his head between them. So far, Remus had only got him to say `Go away`, and hadn't seen his face at all. Tole, the shopkeeper, was chattering loudly, trying to fill the boy in on the latest news in the wizarding media while also finding his a stage-wand and some decent shoes. This wasn't working either, and the only thing _he_ had got Sirius to say had been `size seven` and `too heavy`. 

Still, Remus reflected, at least Tole was aware that Sirius was innocent, or at least was diplomatic enough not to say anything. Somehow, having Sirius depressed before he even began this test wasn't a good omen. Sighing, he looked around for something to cheer Sirius up with. 

This was, arguably, _the_ room to cheer Sirius up with. It was a part of the shop, because one room wasn't big enough; this room housed all the playscripts, songbooks,stage wands and shoes. Ordinarily, just being in here would make Sirius seem to come alive... obviously he needed a boost this time around. 

Remus sighed. People had always said he was good at cheering them up, but what they neglected to mention was that he did this by telling them that his problems were bigger than theirs, and he couldn't do that with Sirius, because they _weren't_. 

"Try this one," Tole said, thrusting another wand into the boy's hand. Sirius threw it into the air and raised his head just a fraction to watch it fall, the weight inside it rolling so that it landed with the handle down. He sighed. 

"Fine, I'll take it. You know the drill with paying." The man nodded happily and went to root around for shoes. Remus picked up the wand. 

"Well, you can do magic now..." Sirius barked out a laugh. 

"Not for much longer. The Ministry are trying to frame me, you know that as well as I do." Remus nodded glumly. It hadn't taken them long to realise that, if Sirius was proved innocent, there would be massive embarrassment for the Ministry; and on top of that, they would have to pay him a huge amount in compensation. It was going to be an uphill struggle all the way. 

"You know, this could be seen as giving in..." 

"Who cares?" It was at this point that Emilily came running in. 

"I care," Remus said pointedly. 

"So do I," the woman declared, squatting down on the other side of him. "Sorry, Sirius..." Sirius unfolded himself and looked at her. 

"You _knew_," he said accusingly. "You were the only bloody person I bloody told and now even you've bloody turned against me!" Emilily looked uncomfortable. 

"Propaganda..." 

"You didn't even try!" Sirius yelled, his voice cracking. "Propaganda my arse, there was no propaganda that night except for what Peter put out!" 

"Um. That's the propaganda I meant..." 

"You believed him over me." 

"I didn't know he could turn into a rat, did I?" 

"_That's not the point and you know it._" Alarm bells began to ring in Remus' head; Sirius had stopped yelling now, he was so angry that he was past yelling, and this was usually the point when he happened to someone... this was also the point when James steped in and miraculously calmed him down where nobody else could. Where nobody else could... _damn_. 

"Nice day today, isn't it?" he said loudly. Sirius looked out of the window. It was raining. 

"Not really." 

"Look, how was I supposed to know he'd framed you if I didn't know he could turn into a rat?" Emilily grabbed her (possibly ex-) boyfriend by the shoulders. "You get angry, Sirius. Everyone knows you can get angry enough to do something like that. For God's sake, you're angry enough right now! And you said yourself that night that you were going out to kill, and I quote, `that treacherous bastard Peter`. Didn't you? _Didn't you?_" 

"I say, look at the ceiling, it's all white. Isn't that _fascinating?_" 

"I did, but you ought to know me well enough to know that I would only have killed Peter, not the entire bloody street! And in any case I took my stage wand, not my real one!" 

"No you didn't!" 

"Yes I did!" 

"I must say, this shop is truly fantastic... I've really missed coming in here, y'know." 

"...you did?" 

"_Yes! _I was only intending to Stun him! I just wanted to scare the son of a bitch!" 

"Oh." Emilily bit her lip. "God, Sirius, I'm sorry... I should've checked..." 

"Too bloody right!" Sirius looked at her and sighed. "Sorry, Emilily. I'm kinda... stressed..." 

"I know." 

"You know," Remus commented, "from this angle a sixteen-year-old and a thirty-six-year-old gazing lovingly at each other just looks wrong. I mean, I know Sirius isn't really sixteen, but... can we say `perverted`?" 

"Probably. It's not a _rude_ word." 

/\/\/\   
_1 week later_   
/\/\/\

"Snape's smirking," Sirius muttered to Remus as they sat down at the Gryffindor table for the start-of-term feast. "I don't like it when he smirks. It means he's got one over us and we can't do anything about it..." 

"Yeah... but we'll get him back. We always do..." 

"Yeah..." Sirius went pale suddenly. "Moony... did they say we'd be in the Houses we were _Sorted_ into, or the Houses we spent all our time in?" 

"The ones we were Sorted into... oh, crap." 

"I knew it." Sirius glared down at his plate with the sort of fercity usually reserved for small men of a rodent-like visage. "Snape's my housemaster...." 

/\/\/\   
Well! There's a plot twist ^_^ I like them... they're fun.   
Why? Well, I'll tell you. Hagrid has a certain line; `Never a wizard went bad wasn't in Slytherin.` [Book 1] At the time, he thinks Sirius is a dark wizard... so, logically, Sirius must've been in Slytherin. Never said he had to spend any time in Slytherin... according to my plotline he switched houses in fifth year anyway ^_^ But enough of the revealing of the plot... review!


	4. The Sorting Hat's Mistake

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Malfoy winds Sirius up and Remus rediscovers prejudice. 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

Warning; This chapter; Angsty, lots of swearing (Siri's talking about Peter). 

Chapter Four; The Sorting Hat's Mistake   
After the feast, Sirius sighed and got up. "See you tomorrow, everyone..." 

"Night," Remus replied as the great mass of Gryffindors began to move towards the door. "Same trick as before?" 

"Yeah... don't forget to give me your timetable..." 

"I won't." Remus grinned slightly as Sirius shoved his way through the Gryffindor mass, then groaned as Harry appeared in his line of vision, looking confused. 

"Where's Sirius going?" The werewolf suppressed a yawn. 

"Can I tell you in the morning? We're all tired..." _Besides which_, he added silently, _you might listen to the whole story in the morning rather than jumping to conclusions_. Remus had no illusions about the rumours running around Hogwarts right now; after Dumbledore's notice at the beginning of the feast he, and Sirius in particular, had been the subject of many curious stares and whispers. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Malfoy had latched onto Sirius and was babbling into his ear about something. Sirius was doing his usual good job of hiding his emotions, but Remus knew his friend and he could practically smell the anger rolling off him. No, wait. He _could_ smell it. That wasn't good; even a werewolf shouldn't be able to smell anger across this kind of distance. 

/\/\/\

"...and it is _such_ as shame that Potter didn't die with his parents, isn't it?" Sirius dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands and used every last ounce of his self-control to stay silent. Malfoy obviously thought he was impressing the convict; in fact he was doing exactly the opposite, but Sirius wasn't about to tell him that. Let the boy dig his own grave; by the look of it, the exercise would do him good. Besides, the whole point of this was that he proved he _wouldn't_ kill anyone, even under extreme provocation. 

They'd got the extreme provocation bit down to a tee. 

/\/\/\

The only trunk in the dormitory which hadn't been opened by the helpful House-Elves was Remus' one. He was grateful for this; he only needed to open one compartment of it right now, and the House-Elves invariably opened the wrong one. There was nothing more embarrassing than going to get your schoolbooks and pulling out a rubber bone, in his opinion. 

Someone had packed his pyjamas. Remus rolled his eyes; obviously someone who didn't know he slept naked. He didn't even know why he _had_ pyjamas. It'd probably been his mother again, she'd never understood the implications of `but _Mum,_ I can't sleep in clothes!` He rolled his eyes, and stripped inside the confines of his bed's curtains. 

Something nudged him. He blinked. Something... wrong... something he had to do. Lessee, now... it was a Marauder thing... he had to... something to do with James... hold it. 

Something to do with _Harry_. That was better. 

From the dormitory outside, he heard the dual click of a pair of glasses being folded and put on the bedside table for the night. And he remembered. 

/\/\/\

When Sirius woke up, it was to green light filtering through the curtains on his bed, and he swore before sitting up and making sure that the other occupants of the room were asleep. They were. 

He checked the time. It was five-thirty. Good, he'd always thought that habit was unbreakable. 

Now... there was a reason he'd got into the unbreakable habit of waking up this early... it'd happened at school... what was it, now? 

A Marauder thing... he had to... something to do with Remus... _ah_. 

Quietly, so as to not wake the other incumbents of the dormitory, Sirius dressed and slipped out of Slytherin and into the main school. 

/\/\/\

Harry woke up about two hours later, and as always his first instinctive reaction was to reach for his glasses. 

They weren't there. Confused, Harry reached a little further out of the bed. And further. And fur- 

THUD. 

"Ow." 

"H'rry?" Ron peered out from his own bed, as the sounds of boys waking up filtered through the dormitory. "You OK?" 

"Yes... but I can't find my glasses..." 

"Oh.... wait, is that them?" Harry bit back a cutting answer along the lines of _I don't know, I can't see_ and sighed instead. 

"Is my name on one of the ear-pieces, on the inside?" 

"Yes," Neville's voice said. 

"Then they're mine. Could I have them please?" Someone handed them to him; he put them on and the room swam into focus. "Thanks. Where were they?" 

"On Lupin's table," Neville said worriedly. "He's not here..." 

"What the hell were they doing on Lupin's table?" 

"Hang on, there's a note here," Seamus offered. "_Gone for a run, I'll be back for breakfast... if Harry wakes up let him blunder around for a while before giving these back, it looks hilarious. And say I'm sorry if he looks angry._" 

"Oh, that's nice." 

"How did he know it'd look funny?" Dean asked. The other four digested this. 

"Blimey," Ron said eventually, "this dormitory must've been a madhouse when your dad was here, Harry..." 

/\/\/\

At breakfast, any teachers who had known the Marauders before seemed to be anticipating something; they kept glancing towards the door, except Snape who was just glaring at his porridge. 

Sirius had been at the Gryffindor table when Harry, Ron and Hermione had arrived, but was refusing to answer any questions on where he'd spent the night until `the Marauding day officially starts`, whatever that meant. When asked about that, however, he was more than happy to talk. 

"Oh, it's an old tradition," he told them, grinning. "Each of us starts by doing something to one of the others..." 

"My glasses went missing this morning," Harry said helpfully. His godfather nodded. 

"Yeah, that was always Remus' trick, nicking James' glasses. It used to take him ages to find them, too... he usually had to wait until Peter had disentangled himself from the apple-pie bed..." he smiled reminiscently, lost in another time. "And then of course there was what we did to Remus..." he chuckled. "He was always the last one to get caught, and until he did the Marauding day hadn't officially started, see?" Thinking of something, he checked his watch. "Should be starting any... second..." 

There was a loud bang as the doors were flung open, and the entire school turned their heads to see an annoyed-looking Remus Lupin, clad only in his birthday suit. 

"SIRIUS BLACK WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY CLOTHES _THIS_ TIME?" Half the teachers smiled reminiscently, the other half looked confused; Snape just glared harder at his porridge, causing it it spontaneously combust out of pure embarrassment. A small spark leapt off it and hit his nose. 

"...now," Sirius finished happily. "What clothes, Moony?" 

"The clothes I left by the lake when I went for my run, because I can't do a voluntary Change with them on!" [1] Sirius bent down and pulled a set of robes out from under the table, looking very surprised. 

"Oh, are these _your_ clothes?" 

"Yes!" 

"You should take more care of them," Sirius joked as he threw them to his friend, who caught them one-handed and left the room. As he left, it seemed that the major part of Hogwarts' female population breathed out for the first time in minutes, and it was at this point that Harry and Ron noticed Hermione was drooling slightly. Ron snapped his fingers in front of her face, looknig a little put out. 

"Herm?" 

"Hmmmm?" 

"She's gone," Sirius pronounced after nearly five minutes of concentrated waving, snapping and, eventually, as a last resort, whispering `You failed Charms last year` had all failed to produce a reaction. "Oh... hello, Professor." 

"Black, could I have a word please?" McGonagall asked. 

"You never minded him before." 

"I _still_ don't mind Lupin running around naked, it's not that I'm talking about." 

"Ooooh, _Professor!_" The teacher Looked at Sirius. 

"That's not what I mean and you know it, but I'm not going to fall into that old trap again. We just want to know who you'll be taking lessons with." 

"The Gryffindors." 

"Thank you. And I suppose you will also be petitioning to switch house?" 

"Yes." Sirius scowled darkly. "They found out it was a mistake last time _anyway_, and Malfoy's driving me up the wall." He considered this. "Again. Wow, I've been annoyed by two generations of Malfoys!" 

"Mr Malfoy drives us all up the wall, as you so kindly put it." 

"By constantly admiring something which you (a) didn't do, (b) never even considered doing, (c) blame yourself for, and (d) haven't got over?" McGonagall studied him for a minute, then sighed. 

"No, not exactly. Gryffindors and Sirius! Timetables!" 

/\/\/\

"What's the deal with you hanging around with us?" Ron asked again as the four of them walked down to Care of Magical Creatures half and hour later. Sirius sighed. 

"Promise you'll let me finish the story before you jump to conclusions?" They nodded. "Right. I was originally Sorted into Slytherin." He held up a hand as three mouths opened. "You promised, remember? Anyway, this was in the good old days when broomsticks couldn't be cushioned and Confundus spells couldn't be detected, and it took about five years for them to realise that every year for a while before that, as well, the first student to put the Hat on had always ended up in Slytherin." He grinned wryly. "I'm a `B`, it was bound to happen someday... anyway, they eventually traced it back to Lucius Malfoy, his parents had been so anxious to get him into Slytherin they bewitched the Hat and conveniently they forgot to counter the spell. and even then, they'd got it wrong because there was no way in hell was a Malfoy going to come first." He snorted. "So I just psent all mny time in Gryffindor, and when they eventually got it all sorted they re-Sorted the students who'd been first each year and I switched to Gryffindor. But because they're working by House we were in in first year, I'm stuck in Slytherin. _Again._ Now do you understand?" 

"I think so," Harry said slowly. Sirius smiled. 

"Good.... hey, Hagrid!" 

"Mornin', Harry." Sirius rolled his eyes mentally and went to play with the Augureys which Hagrid had apparently managed to catch; this September day they were shrieking their heads off, and causing several Slytherins to go temporarily deaf as punishment for standing too close. A part of him - the part he didn't like, he had decided - got out his mental list of `people who still like me` and crossed the huge man off it. 

Malfoy came up. Sirius ignored him as politely as was possible while at the same time deperately longing to rip the boy's head off for what he was saying, and concentrated on the Augurey in front of him. It looked cold, something which Sirius could identify with only too well after years in Azkaban. 

"Poor baby," he crooned to it, all too aware that he was meant to be listening to Hagrid telling everyone about how to handle the birds. "You're cold, aren't you? Come on, let's get you warmed up..." 

"D'yeh mind?" Ah, so Hagrid was talking to him now. "They'll be warm as toast in a few minutes." 

"But right here, right now they're cold," Sirius said pointedly. "Ever been in Azkaban? It's boiling in the summer, but that doesn't help with your frostbite in the winter..." he looked at Hagrid's face and realised that he'd hit a shared memory. "Oh, you have," he continued more quietly. "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let these poor birds get cold, or this one at least." 

"All righ', ev'ryone inside!" Hagrid bellowed suddenly, nearly deafening Sirius. "Bring an Augurey wi' you!" Sirius grinned as he picked up the bird he'd been trying to warm up. "I'm not doing this for _you,_ understand. For the birds." 

"Of course. Thanks, Hagrid." 

/\/\/\

[1] Here's my theory; werewolves can transform voluntarily at any time, and if they tranform voluntarily they stay on top of things. However, when they transform involuntarily (e.g. at full moon), they lose their minds. The only trouble with the voluntary is; your clothes don't change with you. 

/\/\/\   
Aww, Hagrid's cracking ^_^ Next time; Remus in Divination! And the one you've all been waiting for; Potions!   
Some angst will be developing, I'm warning you now, but I have to get them into detention with Filch first. Fortunately, it's wet weather at Hogwarts right now ^___^   
Review!


	5. Trelawney and Snape

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Divination! And Potions. 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

Warning; This chapter; Angsty, lots of swearing (Siri's talking about Peter). 

Chapter Five; Trelawney and Snape   
The bell went. Sirius headed off to the library, explaining briefly that he had a free period now, and Remus joined Harry and Ron for Divination. 

The first sound they heard was, unfortunately, that of Professor Trelawney's voice; a depressing start to a Divination lesson, especially as she was stating the obvious. 

"Ah, I see we have a new student in our ranks." 

"No you don't," Remus called helpfully. "You have an _old_ student in your ranks. Have you been to the Inner Optician's recently, Professor?" Most of the class sniggered, excepting of course the Divination fanatics Parvati and Lavender, who pretended they hadn't heard. 

"You need not jest, dear," Trelawney's voice said as she appeared in the room and fixed her eyes on Remus. "I have told the future true for you before, have I not?" She gestured to Harry. "James is dead, is he not?" 

"_Yes_, Professor, but _you_ said he'd die in a Quidditch accident in third year, not in a murder case aged twen-" Remus slapped his hand over his mouth before he could finish the age and carried on. "Anyway, it was pure fluke." 

"The fates do not fluke." 

"Actually, if you read between the lines, the fates _are_ fluke." Remus grinned. "Say, for example... how would one go about predicting the end of the world?" Trelawney looked happier now her new/old student seemed to be asking sensible questions. 

"Why, dear, one would use a crystal ball, and incense, and one would...." 

"Read the Bible," Remus said helpfully. 

"No, dear." 

"Yes, you would." 

"Why then?" The werewolf shrugged. 

"Well, it says in the Bible that no man may know when the world will end.[1] Therefore, all those predictions made to find the end of the world must be wrong, right?" The teacher nodded slowly. "_Well_. There've been so many predictions made for the end of the world, and if we all did that too it'd come up different for each of us, that if you took all the predictions for the end of the world you'd be able to narrow it down to one date. With me so far?" Now the entire class was listening, and a few - those a couple of steps ahead of Remus - were beginning to smirk. "And, since no man may know the date of the Apocalypse, then _therefore_ that date would _also_ be wrong, and the world will never end." Remus sat back contentedly on his pouffe. "Simple logic..." 

"Yes...." Trelawney said slowly. Then she smiled happily. "Well _done_, dear! You've solved the mystery of the Apocalypse! I always knew you had the makings of a true Seer..."   


"Well, _that _sure backfired," Remus muttered as he sat down at the same table as Harry and Ron, preparing to crystal-gaze. Ron sniggered. 

"Funny, though." 

"I just wish she'd realise when I was playing her up," Remus sighed, then sat back, glanced at the ball and said patiently, "I foresee that, at full moon, I will undergo a painful and horrifying transformation... my God, that was hard to predict..." they laughed, then hastily put on thoughtful expressions as Trelawney came past. "Harry, your turn..." 

It need hardly be noted that Harry was told he would die. 

/\/\/\

Potions, the last lesson they had on Monday, was entertaining for both Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, for once. 

Sirius, who hadn't been seen all lunch hour, was waiting for them outside the classroom, with his nose in a book, muttering to himself. As soon as he saw Remus he thrust the book at his friend, said `Test me`, then went straight into a speech without waiting for an answer. 

"_Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye_   
_ The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry,_   
_ I must up-fill this osier-cage of ours_   
_ With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers_   
_ The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb;_   
_ And from her womb children of divers kind_   
_ We sucking on her natural bosom find._   
_ Many for many virtues excellent,_   
_ None but for some, and yet all different._   
_ O mickle is the powerful grace that lies_   
_ In plants, herbs, stones, and their true qualities._   
_ For naught so vile that on the earth doth live...[2] _well, look who's here!" 

Snape scowled. Sirius smirked. 

"Y'know, I always thought that passage reminded me of someone... now I know who." 

"Give me the book." 

"Why, certainly," Sirius said cheerfully, handing it over. "Now you're a teacher, I suppose you're allowed to steal books from other teachers and get away with it, aren't you?" He grinned at the teacher's face. "Yes, I remember that incident as well as you do. I also happen to know that that book is the _very same one_ you stole last time, and... oh, I can have it back? Thank you. How generous."   


Once they were _inside _the class, and making an invisibility potion in pairs, things began to get out of hand. 

First, Neville's potion went wrong, melting his seventh cauldron and causing Snape to snap at him. This in turn led to Remus' snapping at Snape, which led to a round of point losses for Gryffindor. 

Then Sirius, completely by accident, splashed Remus. This would have been less of a problem if Remus hadn't been a werewolf. 

A werewolf is a wolf who lives with (or in this case _in_) a human. 

So is a dog. 

So Remus' first reaction, on being splashed with a cold liquid, was to shake himself vigorously, thus transferring the potion to everyone else around him. 

Including Snape, who had been standing over him at the time. 

"Oops, sorry everyone..." 

"Stupid _werewolf_," Snape spat, retreating to his desk in case of any other flying potions. Remus grabbed the back of Sirius' robes (made harder because they were partially invisible), and said in a perfectly neutral voice, 

"Yes, I am, aren't I. Pass the water, Sirius..." 

"I'm sure we're all aware that Black wets the bed, Lupin, there's no need to _tell_ everyone," Snape said viciously. Sirius went bright red. 

Nobody laughed, though, because neither the Gryffindors nor the Slytherins were quite sure which House he was siding with. 

"At least he knows a use for water," Remus said calmly. "Tell me, Snapey, have you actually discovered what shampoo is _for_ yet?" 

"Have you had a bath yet?" Remus flinched. 

"No, but at least I'm _clean_. Have you got over the loss of your one true love James Potter yet?" 

It was an insult they'd never used in front of James, and one that was only ever used when things were reaching the punching stage. Harry looked mildly surprised, but didn't say anything. Sirius smirked, but he was still trying to avoid the stares of the half of the class who happened to find the fact that he was a bed-wetter more interesting than the near-fight between Snape and Remus. 

Remus noticed vaguely that he was acting like James, and quelled that thought quickly. Realising that he wasn't acting right would only make him try to act more normally, and that was precisely what he _didn't_ want right now. On his agenda of things to do today, `Playing Snape Up` was currently right at the top of the list, especially after that crack about Sirius' bladder; his friend only wet himself when he was either scared or having a nightmare, and if he had more nightmares than was usual then that certainly wasn't anything to laugh about. 

Snape twitched. It was interesting, Remus thought belatedly through the rush of adrenaline and lycanthropy hormones racing through his system, the way he did that... if Remus hadn't known better he might have thought there was an element of truth in it.[3] 

"Detention," the teacher said softly. "Both of you." Remus shrugged. 

"OK." 

/\/\/\

[1] I have no idea where this passage is, but it's there.   
[2] Shakespeare - _Romeo and Juliet_ - Act 2 Scene 3 lines 1-13.   
[3] Don't worry, this is NOT going to turn into a Snape/James fic. I mean, gay pairings _yes_, I'm all in favour of gay pairings, but Snape/James? Ewwww.... 

/\/\/\   
*sighs* Wrong detention! Right. The NEXT time they get detention will be the angsty one, and I hate my plots when they develop like this....   
Review! And if ONE person even SUGGESTS that this could become Snape/James, I will flame. READ THE FOOTNOTES! PLEASE!   
[Snape/James? Euck!]


	6. Detention

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Potter, Black, Lupin! Detention! ^_^ (Well, minus the Potter. But Snape can't have EVERYTHING his own way...) 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

This chapter; Snape tries to get Remus killed. Sirius retaliates. 

Chapter Six; Detention   
"I blame _you._" 

"What a coincidence. I blame _you_, Moony my friend." 

"I blame Snape." 

"Good point, actually..." Sirius rubbed his nose as he looked thoughtfully up at the forest. "Did the slimy git even tell us which potion ingredients we're going in there to find?" 

"Yeah... hold on... er... ah." Remus fished around in his pocket until he found the paper he was looking for. "Oh, by the way; Gryffindor password's _carpe diem_." 

"Thanks. Slytherin one's `Mudbloods out`, in case you want to do any Dungbombing while I'm not there... so, what've we got to find?" 

"Feverfew, dandelion leaves, wormwood, unicorn water [1], wolfsbane... _wolfsbane?_" 

"That does it," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "For that one, he pays. What does he think you are, a bloody human?" 

"...thanks, Sirius..." 

"Who's a bloody human?" Hagrid asked from behind them. Remus thrust the list at the huge man furiously. 

"Snape wants me to get him wolfsbane! _Wolfsbane!_"[2] 

"Jus' tell him yeh can' get it." 

"Hello? This is _Snape_ we're talking about?" 

"Well, I'm sorry, Remus, but yeh shouldn'a badmouthed him. Sirius can pick it..." 

"Yeah, I'll pick it, Remus, don't worry..." 

"I'VE NEVER SWORN IN MY BLOODY LIFE!" Remus shrieked, unwittingly contradicting himself as he said it. Sirius and Hagrid exchanged glances. 

"Uhhhh... Remus? Is it by any chance full moon tonight?" 

"Tomorrow. Why?" 

"Thought so. You're acting snippy and bitchy... no, doggy. Somehow doggy doesn't sound right... wolfy?" 

"Sirius?" 

"Yes, Remus?" 

"Drop it." Sirius grinned. 

"Ok." 

/\/\/\

"I hope they're all right," Hermione said anxiously as she looked out over the forest. 

"They'll be fine, they've got a werewolf with them," Ron said unfeelingly. "He can negotiate terms with the _other_ monsters." 

"Ron, that's not-" Fortunately, the readers were spared the agony of another Ron vs Hermione deathmatch by the opening of the portrait hole and the arrival of a very upset and hurried looking teenager, by the name of Sirius Black. "Sirius? How did you get in?" 

"Remus told me the password. Ron, I need to get his things. Quickly." 

"Ok, they're up there..." Ron sighed at the look of utter confusion on Sirius' face and got up. "I'll show you, but be quiet because everyone's asleep." 

"Including Harry?" 

"Yeah, he was going to wait up for you but Binns kept him after class about something, he came back so tired he just went straight up to bed..." 

"I don't blame him," Sirius muttered, lowering his voice as they entered the dormitory. "Right, Remus is pretty predictable... he won't be back for at least three days so he'll need his basket... bone... damn, where _are_ those keys? Ah." 

"Full moon?" Ron whispered.   
  
"No; that's tomorrow. Snape made us collect wolfsbane... bastard stuck it under Moony's nose when we got back and he is really, I mean _really_ ill." Sirius groaned. "How hard can it be to find a _dog-basket_, for God's sake? I want to get back down there!" 

"Snape tried to kill him?" 

"From what I saw, yes." Sirius smirked. "He's with Dumbledore now..." 

"Oh..." Sirius wheeled round, nearly throwing the basket across the room because he wasn't holding it properly. 

"If that was an oh for `oh, it's a shame he didn't get away with it,`" he hissed, "then you can just leave. Right now. Remus is a _person, _with a name and a personality, and just because he has to handle Sickles with gloves on and he gets sick at wolfsbane doesn't mean he's any less nice to know. In fact he's a good deal nicer than most people, because he's _not_ prejudiced! OK? And I'm tired, and I'm stressed, and... I'll tell you what, Ron. Get yourself three friends. Now kill one off. Discover that the second is the one that killed the first one. With me so far? Right. Now. _Do you want the third one to die too?_" 

And with that he turned and stalked off with the basket, tin of dog food and rubber bone, leaving Ron standing there looking quite stupid, and leaving a couple of the other boys in the dormitory, who had been woken up, with something to think about. 

/\/\/\

"Where's Remus?" Harry asked almost immediately the next morning, when he woke up and was able to find his glasses immediately; such a rare occurrence these days that it quite warranted curiosity. 

"Hospital wing," Ron grunted. "Wolfsbane poisoning. Apparently by Snape." 

"_Snape_ tried to _kill_ him?" 

"That's what Sirius said last night." 

"How'd Sirius get in here?" 

"Remus gave him the password." 

"Oh. Is Remus all right?" 

"I dunno. Sirius seemed pretty worried last night..." 

/\/\/\

"Well, at least breakfast's late on Saturdays," Ron muttered as Harry and Hermione half-dragged him towards the hospital wing, half an hour later. 

"I don't believe Snape'd do that," Hermione whispered as they opened the door quietly. 

"Believe it," a strained voice said from the bed. Remus smiled wearily at them. "He's tried it before." He sighed. "Of course, _this_ time it's more aimed at Sirius..." he stopped, coughing. "He thinks if he can take me out Padfoot'll be so angry he'll try to get Snape, then Snape can call the Ministry and be The Hero Who Stopped Sirius Black... did you sleep last night?" This last question was directed at Sirius, who had just entered the room and who now sat down, shaking his head. 

"Those bastards were gloating too much for me to sleep. Snape went up and told them what he'd done... how're you doing?" 

"He'd be better if you didn't all crowd around the bed," Madam Pomfrey said pointedly. "Move, I have a patient to see to... now dear, say `aaah...` 

"Aaaaaah...."*cough**cough* 

"What did Dumbledore say?" Sirius asked while the nurse forced half a spoon of a rather vile-smelling potion down Remus' throat. 

"Hm? Oh... I'm not too sure..." 

"Snape's claiming extreme provocation," McGonagall said sourly from the doorway. "I, however, fail to see why the Headmaster is incapable of firing a teacher who tried to poison one of the students, even if the student _has_ already passed all his exams." 

/\/\/\

[1] The water from a pool guarded by a unicorn, _not_ a unicorn's urine.   
[2] OK, for anyone wondering why such a fuss; any plant with -bane on the end of its name kills (or is said to kill) the creature in the name. So you get wolfsbane, dragonsbane... traditionally, wolfsbane also works on werewolves. 

/\/\/\   
Nasty, nasty Snape... evil Snape! Evil!   
Review please!


	7. Don't Get Mad...

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Thinking of a witty remark... back in fifteen minutes. 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

This chapter; Lucius Malfoy and Snape are added into the school as students, while Sirius loses sleep over Remus. 

Chapter Seven; Don't get mad...   
"So Black's first reaction was..." 

"To call Snape a `bastard`, then rush Lupin to the hospital wing," Amy said, looking at her notes. Fudge groaned. 

"And we're _sure_ he doesn't know we're watching him?" 

"Positive." 

"We've got to make him look guilty somehow, Amy. If this gets out - with the Death Eaters running amok as well -" the secretary nodded. 

"How about... oh, I know! We just need to give him enough provocation..." 

"We've _given_ him provocation!" 

"Not quite. I was thinking of the sort of thing that made him try murder in sixth year..." 

"Oh?" 

/\/\/\

"Mr Black, there is nothing we can do here that won't get done quicker if I don't have to keep stepping over you! Go and do something useful! I'm sure you have homework!" Sirius looked up from where he was sitting on the floor. 

"That's what I'm _doing,_ Madam Pomfrey." The nurse sighed. 

"Can't you go and do it somewhere else?" 

"No." 

"She's right though, Sirius," Remus offered from the bed. "I'll be fine, and you're tired. Go to bed, it's Saturday, nobody'll mind..." he stopped, coughing. "Besides, you have a revenge plan to work on." 

"I can do that here..." 

"Out!" 

/\/\/\

_He slipped through the bars and into the water, and was suddenly aware that for once everything was going his way. He wanted to laugh out loud, but that would blow his cover... besides, he doubted he could swim as a human, and he didn't have the energy to risk another change. So he just wagged his tail as he swam towards the far-off cliffs.___

_The cliffs seemed familiar, somehow, as though he'd seen them before. Coming closer, he could see the beach, one which he knew almost as well as... as a thing he knew very well. There was someone coming down the cliff path now; surely that was a bit dangerous in a gale?___

_He'd thought so. They'd slipped, and there was nobody in sight.___

_He had to do something! He used his last dregs of strength, that last small bit of remaining energy, and forced himself to speed up, motoring against the receding tide. And then he was on the shore, and running down the beach, still hoping, hoping he could catch them...___

_And then he was looking into the lifeless, staring eyes of James Potter, and the cry of the gulls had mutated into the cry of a baby... and he knew, somehow, that the whole thing was about to begin again-_

/\/\/\

Sirius woke up, sweating, and stared up at the canopy over his bed. Not only did he have a recurring dream, but if he didn't managed to wake up it would recur within itself, repeating the same events over and over, in the same sequence. 

It wasn't even accurate. He'd come ashore nowhere near Godric's Cove, and James certainly hadn't fallen to his death down the cliff-path there. The boy was as sure-footed as a - well, a mountain stag down that path, and in any case he'd hardly ever used it. 

And he hadn't been a dog when he'd seen James dead, though he _had _had to be canine to hear Harry crying. 

Sirius sighed, and sat up. No point in picking holes in a nightmare. 

He was sitting in a wet patch. 

_Damn.___

Working from years of hard experience, he got out of the bed, changed his underwear, got dressed, and pulled the sheets off the bed. Then he turned, intending to go and give them to the ever-helpful House Elves. Most times, nobody ever knew he'd been out of bed. 

"Aww, did ickle Sirrikins wet the bed again?" 

Apparently, this wasn't going to be one of those times. But... only one person had ever said that, and he was... 

"Well?" Lucius Malfoy (now aged 16) asked, prodding Sirius in the chest. "You did, didn't you? Come on, I know you did. You _always_ wet the bed." 

Well, there was no point in denying it. "Yes, Malfoy, I wet the bed," Sirius said tiredly. "And now, what's a twit like you doing back at school? Or did they finally find out your dad bribed the Department for Magical Education to get you through your exams?" 

Malfoy the Elder sneered. "I'd watch it if I were you, Black. You're the only one of your little gang around, and oh, it was _so_ easy in first year, before you called your friends in..." 

"Yeah, but you had a couple of big idiots with you," Sirius said, trying to maintain his calm and not lose his grasp on his damp bedsheets. "By the way, how _are_ Crabbe and Goyle? I see their children have been carrying on the fine family tradition of being big and stupid..." Malfoy scowled. Sirius ducked to the side and then down, and ran out of the dormitory as fast as possible, narrowly avoiding Malfoy the Younger and Snape... _Snape?_" 

At great personal hazard, he stopped and turned round. Snape smirked at him, then lunged; but he was still awkward in his now-sixteen-years-old body, and Sirius had the doggy advantage. 

"See you later, Blackie," Malfoy (the Elder) hissed as he picked Snape up off the floor, and Sirius nodded shortly, picked up his bedsheets and ran for the kitchens. 

/\/\/\

"Sirius, you don't look so good," were Remus' first words when he saw his friend again, five minutes later. Sirius sighed and sat down next to Harry. 

"Malfoy's back. And Snape." 

"Malfoy got Snapey off the hook?" 

"I... don't think... so... Moony, they're both sixteen." 

"So... this is _Lucius_ we're talking about?" 

"Oh... yeah." 

"Crap." 

"I thought you never bloody swore?" Sirius asked innocently. Remus glared at him. 

"Sirius... you will _tell_ me if anything... starts again, won't you?" 

"Of course," Sirius said quickly, crossing his fingers behind his back. His friend sighed. 

"Fine, be like that. How goes the revenge?" 

"Well, I had this wonderful idea of giving Harry a few minor appearance changes and frightening the life out of Snape, but we'd have to hide the scar, and then there was this thought I had where we could give him a malaclaw instead of a lobster... or we could feed him that Squib Potion he loved so much in sixth year, remember?" 

"Yeah, but he wouldn't fall for that." 

"True." Sirius paused. "What about... no, wouldn't work..." 

"Hm... we could... nah, too small. I want this to be _big_." 

Harry, Ron and Hermione watched in fascination as the two Marauders continued in this manner, each seeming to know what the other was thinking of without ever actually getting to the point of communication. There seemed to be a sort of unspoken agreement as to what would be acceptable, too, though the phrase `too small` came up more more than `too big`. 

"Or we could put those two together and-" 

"Yeah, but that'd take weeks of planning to get right... how about if we..." 

"PERFECT! I'll get on it right away!" With which words Sirius got up and ran out of the hospital wing. 

"What're you going to do?" Ron asked, looking perplexed. Remus smirked. 

"You'll have to wait and see..." 

/\/\/\   
Yes, and so will you, readers... quite a long time, actually, because there's another plot detail to go in _before_ they get revenge. Ah well.   
Review!

  



	8. Untitled due to writer's block

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

"They called me mad. I called them mad. And damn them they outvoted me." 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

This chapter; An aversion to Quidditch is discovered. [**Half of this chapter was written with SEVERE writers' block, so please pardon me if the standard goes down a bit. It was also meant to be _much_ longer.**] 

Chapter Eight; Untitled due to writers' block   
"Attention students!" The hall gradually quieted as everyone turned to look at Dumbledore. "Following a certain... incident with a student earlier this week-" 

"Remus," Sirius muttered. 

"-Professor Snape has been suspended from teaching until further notice. However, he will be joining our ranks as a student, along with the most esteemed Lucius Malfoy." 

Slowly, everyone turned to look with sudden recognition at the greasy-haired, hook-nosed boy who had appeared at the Slytherin table lasst night, and who was now glaring at the room in general and Sirius in particular. 

"Because of this," Dumbledore continued, "there will be no Potions lessons until we can find a replacement. Thank you." He sat down, and the hall slowly filled up with noise again. 

"But won't that mess up our OWLs terribly?" Hermione asked, looking worried. Sirius laughed. 

"The OWLs are easy, Hermione. You'll be fine, no matter where Snape is." He turned to look at the Slytherin table thoughtfully. "But I still don't like this. I only just survived my last round of sleeping in the same dormitory as Lucius Malfoy... well, I suppose the big `n` stupid duo aren't here this time round, but still..." he yawned suddenly. "God, I'm tired!" 

"Maybe you should've gone to bed last night," Ron suggested. 

"I did. Just as a dog, in the hospital wing." Sirius sighed. "And to tell you the truth, I'm glad I did. Remus is worse now, and it'll take his immune system a couple of days to recover..." 

"Should we go and see him after school?" 

"No point. He sleeps for twenty-four hours straight after each transformation; call it a rest period. He'll be out until this time tomorrow." 

/\/\/\

After lunch, the fifth-years had a free owing to the sudden disappearance of Potions from their timetable, and Harry (being Harry) suggested they do Quidditch practice, with Ron, Hermione and Sirius filling in the gaps left by Fred, George and Oliver so the actual team could have a proper practice. [1] To their amazement, Sirius refused. 

"But if we don't help them practice, Gryffindor could lose!" Hermione pointed out. 

"Nonsense, you've got a Potter on the team. Look, you are _not_ getting me on one of those things!" This offered some clue, at least, as to the source of the problem. 

"Sirius, are you by any chance scared of heights?" Ron asked. Sirius laughed. 

"If I were scared of heights, Ron, d'you think I'd've flown Buckbeak across the world twice? I'd find another form of transport as soon as possible." 

"Scared of brooms?" Harry guessed. Sirius shook his head. 

"Don't trust flying on something unless it's alive?" 

"No; if anything I'd trust _that_ kind of broom-" he gestured to Harry's Firebolt "- _more_ than Beaky." 

"Not sure how much they've improved brooms since you last used one?" 

"True, but not the reason I'm not getting on one." 

"Boys," Hermione cut in with a certain element in her voice which said this-is-just-too-obvious, "maybe Sirius just doesn't like Quidditch?" 

"Finally! Someone gets it!" Ron and Harry were staring at him. "What?" 

"How can you..." it sounded like Ron was having trouble saying this. "..._not like_ Quidditch?" Sirius shrugged. 

"Simple. I just look up and see a bunch of lunatics flying around trying to either whack, avoid or catch a ball and I think to myself `Boring`, and go and do something fun. No offense to Harry." 

"But... but... but your name's on the Cup! 1974 to 1978! Beater with Remus!"[2] 

"Yeah, only because _his_ father talked me into it! And wouldn't give up!" 

/\/\/\

[1] I'm not sure how the main team managed to get there, but bear with me please - at the time of writing I have writer's block. 

[2] I figured Ron should know this, after all the times he's polished the trophies in detention. 

/\/\/\   
Well, I'm terribly sorry for keeping you all waiting so long for such a short chapter. Believe me, there's a very good excuse; the dreaded writers' block. I did what I could, but... hell, I'm still half-blocked now, just putting this ludicrousluy short chappie up so you don't forget me...   
It's my muse. He wants attention, wants me to write about _him_... I told you, Arnold, when I finish _Elf Wars!_ **Then** your moment of glory comes!   
*cough* Review!


	9. I STILL can't think of good titles! AAAR...

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy. 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP (Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

This chapter; 

Chapter Nine; I STILL can't think of good titles! AAARGH!   
Sirius made his way up one of the many towers at Hogwarts, still not believing the other boys' stubbornness. Not only had it taken him half an hour to get away, but Harry had very nearly pulled a James on him and made him play... 

He probably _should_ go and watch them play, just for Harry, but he'd done that once and the only thing he'd discovered, except that his godson needed a new broom, was that he still hated Quidditch. He rolled his eyes and knocked on the door which was now blocking his path, having to hold on tightly to the railing provided as he was now at the very top of South Tower, and outside on a little balcony. 

"Password?" The door asked, sounding bored. 

"No idea," Sirius yelled over the wind. 

"OK." The door swung open. Sirius grinned and walked in; `No idea` had proved years ago to be the only password everyone could remember, and had eventually become fixed. 

A gust of wind blew in from one of the many open windows as the door clicked shut behind him, setting pieces of paper rustling everywhere. The sun shone in through various other windows, proving to the incumbents of South Tower that it was indeed a nice day, if only they could be bothered to take advantage of it. A few bits of music flew off the ramshackle old piano in the corner, and were quickly snatched up by the girl playing it, who had red hair. 

A lump rose in Sirius' throat. Everything was just as he remembered it. 

The girl on the piano had caught her music now, and was just turning back to the piano when she noticed him. She smiled briefly, recognised him and hastily turned back to the keyboard. Sirius sighed, went up and leant on the instrument. The girl glared at him. 

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your finely-tuned hatred towards me, but is Professor Vicrae around?" 

"No; she went to get something. Can I play this now?" Sirius shrugged. 

"Sure, go ahead." He left the girl to her own devices and went to find a decent violin, which was hard in this place, even with a room full of them. 

He was just kneeling down by the pile of discarded instruments when his stomach twisted painfully. Sirius gasped, doubling over as his eyes watered and wondering if he'd eaten too much at lunch; but he'd had this feeling before, when he was fourteen... and fifteen... it'd been when... oh, _damn_. 

Sirius heaved himself upright as the twist came again, sharper, harder, carrying with it more force; more warning. He reached into his pocket and his fingers closed on his wand as the surge came, filling him with magic, sending every nerve in his body jangling with the stuff, blinding him with the white-hot power that brought both pain and peace... he focused his mind, channelled it all into the wand as he'd been taught, began to relax as he felt it leave his body... 

...and screamed as it came back, forcing itself back into him, amplifying by the second as it demanded to be used; he realised furiously that his stage-wand had no core and he couldn't channel the magic into it - 

And then there was calm, as his power reached its limit. Time was his again, but he knew it wouldn't be long before the magic realised that it had been called this high, not to avenge something done wrong, but because he hadn't used it as he was meant to. Other boys like him had channelled it into all sorts of things to escape the pain; Sirius was the only one who had ever taken it willingly. He hadn't been exaggerating when he told Fudge, earlier in the year, that he would rather die than go back to Azkaban. 

There was something there. Sirius paused, confused, then sent a little of the magic down it for closer inspection. He blinked mentally at what he found, and drew in closer. That couldn't be right... could it? 

He'd always thought it was _James_ who - oh. No, the magic was right. He _had_ never told James his deepest, darkest secrets, had he? 

Well, not all of them. Not why his parents were really in Azkaban, or why he had spasms and `fits` occasionally for two years, which stopped as suddenly as they started; not what he _was_. 

And they'd all thought _Remus_ was the secretive one. Hah! He was secretive, true, but he was too _good_ at being secretive. He couldn't hide that he was keeping secrets, not without giving one away. 

He knew what he would do with the power now, though. 

With one hand, Sirius grasped the unseen thread running to and from him. As full of power as he was right now, it obligingly solidified under his touch, allowing him to channel his excess power into it, to lend t to the person on the other end of the line; the person who needed it. 

With the other, he searched around until he found another thread running from him; the same, but different. _This_ thread was dark where the other was light, humming nastily where the other sang softly. 

Sirius grinned to himself and sent some power down that one, too. The person on the other end of the dark thread would receive a nasty shock before the day was out; a very nasty shock indeed. 

The power ran out. His vision cleared, and he stood up; the pain earlier had forced him to his knees. The girl who had been playing the piano earlier was standing in the doorway, looking worried. This close, and after that big a power surge, Sirius recognised her vaguely as Ron's sister. He gave her an encouraging grin. 

"Before you ask; I'm fine. I get those sometimes, that's all. But we'd better get out of here, the Ministry will be swarming around just as soon as they get into the castle." 

"Why?" Sirius sighed to himself. 

"I'm meant to... do something to prevent those attacks. I didn't, and they'll be after me." He grinned wryly. "Trouble is, it's a magical attack, so they'll trace it to the closest person in the room. Unless you _want_ to be taken out of school and yelled at by Ministry officials for a few hours, I'd recommend we clear the tower." There, he'd done it without a single lie. Well... OK, so discharging wouldn't have prevented the surge, but it would have stopped it building. Close enough. 

Ginny (for such a girl was she) nodded, biting her lip. "Shouldn't you take it now then?" 

"Hm?" 

"Whatever it is you have to take to stop the attacks. Shouldn't you take it now?" Sirius blinked. _Damn_. 

"Uh.... no. But, I need to go see Madam Pomfrey about my wand."[1] She stared at him. Sirius calmly picked the piece of wood up from where he'd dropped it and waved it under her nose, then headed off. The Ministry squad that would come after him for _this_ one would be looking at a `crime` which had nothing to do with what he was already convicted for, and he wasn't hanging around to get himself caught. 

/\/\/\

[1] Minds out of the gutter, people! >. Even if Ginny's isn't yet... 

/\/\/\   
Whew, I think I'm finally over my HP writer's block! And it's about time too... I like chapters like this ^_^ Lots of plot and detail, but no explanations. They make for some good reviews... so review! What do _you_ think caused him to spasm? 

One a side note, could I please ask people to stop reviewing the `Title` pages in Raindrops and Rosebuds (the ones with `please do not review this page` written on them in large letters). You may think it's funny, but just about every person who reviews thinks it is and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it. Once was funny. Twice was humorous. Ten times just makes me want to flame someone. 


	10. The Quad

You're Only Young Twice   
By Admiral Albia 

Is it okay to be myself? 

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I _know_ it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^   
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music. 

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP (Book Five), not this crap. Sorry. 

This chapter; 

Chapter Ten; The Quad   
Remus was sitting up and reading when Sirius pushed the door to the hospital wing open, which surprised him. 

"Remus? Aren't you meant to be in a coma-like trance during which your morphic field and human instincts reassert themselves over the wolf's versions of the same?" 

"Yeah, but something woke me up. S'odd, I feel fine." Remus yawned. "Just a little tired, but then I _was_ meant to be asleep for twenty-four hours..." He blinked suddenly. "Sirius... if you didn't know I was awake, why're you here?" 

"My body's fifteen." 

"Yeah, and? ...oh, _crap_..." 

"Precisely." Sirius lifted a hand as Madam Pomfrey entered the room and opened her mouth to shoo him out. "Madam Pomfrey, this is important. I'm surging." 

"What?" Sirius sighed. 

"My body is fifteen, remember? Until the first full moon of my next birthday, I'll be surging." He pulled his stage-wand out of his pocket and glared up at her. "I need a discharge point. This thing's useless, it doesn't have a core." 

"Just do what you usually do and channel it into the music, dance and acting," Remus suggested. Sirius shook his head. 

"I can't, not when my power level's rising that fast. I need to bleed it into something." 

"Sirius, where did you surge?" Madam Pomfrey asked urgently. 

"Top of South Tower. Don't worry, there was only one other person in there and I cleared her out..." 

"Oh, good." 

"I'm not stupid, you know." From the bed, Remus suddenly had a huge coughing fit. Sirius glared at him. 

"Oh? What did you discharge into, then? You seem to be able to move normally." 

"Uh.... nothing visible..." Madam Pomfrey lifted an eyebrow. 

"This isn't like the time you managed to create a ten-foot wall of solid air in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, is it?" 

"No." 

"It was an entertaining match, though," Remus sniggered. "Slytherin vs Hufflepuff, and nobody could work out what was in the way..." 

"'Specially when Snape's bludger rebounded into his face..." 

"Yeah..." Remus leant back, a huge smile on his face. "Happy days..." 

"Best match I've ever seen, played in or heard about repeatedly from fanatical best friends." 

"So what _did_ you do, Sirius?" Sirius sighed, then jumped as a quad [1] of Ministry workers rushed past the room and lowered his voice. 

"I healed Remus." He paused, and winked at his friend. "_And, _I set up a little surprise for Snape. Nothing major." 

"So you _did_ know I'd be awake." 

"Actually, no. I must've given you a bit too much..." 

"Well, whatever." The nurse sighed. "Our first priority now is to get you two out, about and acting _human_. Sirius, I'll have a word with the Headmaster about your... problem. Remus, get up, get dressed. What do you two have next?" 

"Defence Against the Dark Arts, but we still have a free period; we're meant to be in the middle of Potions right now." 

"Oh." She sighed. "All right then, go up to the Gryffindor common room _and stay there_. And do something normal, like chess, or cards, or read, or _talk about Quidditch_, Sirius, it's their biggest talking point about you..." 

"But I hate Quidditch!" 

"Exactly! You stand out!" Remus, who had somehow contrived to dress while this short exchange was taking place, interrupted. 

"We'll play chess," he said firmly, and dragged Sirius away before his friend had a chance to argue. 

/\/\/\ 

Twenty minutes later, Harry, Ron and Hermione were back from the Quidditch pitch. They all looked rather surprised to say the least at Remus' sudden reappearance, and had to be glared at forcefully by Sirius and given the infamous `werewolf smile` by Remus before they shut up about the matter; it still wasn't safe. 

"Why'd you do that?" Ron asked, looking over at the chess board curiously. Sirius blinked. 

"Do what?" 

"Move the knight. Surely if you do that then Remus can -" 

"Checkmate," Remus said calmly. "And Ron? He knows. He was letting me win. It's an annoying habit picked up from playing against Peter, I believe." Sirius rolled his eyes and nodded. 

"He was terrible. _Terrible_." 

"Not that I couldn't beat him if he _hadn't_ let me, may I just add." 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah!" 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah!" 

"We'll see about that! Places everyone, we're starting again..." The chess pieces obligingly moved back to their starting positions, and Ron pulled a chair up and sat down to watch. 

"Remus," he said quietly, looking around to make sure nobody was listening, "Do you know there's a quad around?" 

"Pawn, white bishop, forward two paces... yes, Ron, I do. That's why I'm sitting here playing chess with this loser." 

"Loser? Me?" 

"Yes, you." Remus looked up thoughtfully and, just as thoughtfully, stuck his tongue out at Sirius. Ron stifled a laugh. Sirius looked offended. 

"Just because _some_ people can't do Transfiguration properly -" 

"Just because _some_ people do Arithmancy too well -" 

"Just because _some_ people shave their ears -" 

"Just because _some_ people are only half human... _damn!_" Sirius glared at his friend. 

"Thank _you_, Moony. Thank you." 

"Sorry..." Ron's interested face appeared in the line of vision of the two Marauders. 

"You're only half human?" 

"Yes, Ron, I'm half human. Could I just bring the _quad_ back to your attention please?" 

"What's a quad?" Harry asked, coming back from the dormitory - he had had to change out of his Quidditch robes. Sirius groaned. 

"A quad... is a group of four Ministry workers who are used to control non-human magical beings." He scowled. "Ninety per cent of the time they do this by killing them." Harry's eyes darted quickly to Remus and back. The werewolf nodded tiredly. 

"My sister was killed by a quad. One of my best friends was nearly killed by a quad, but we got him back..." he sighed. "Neither of them had done anything. Oh, except my sister had just had pups." 

"That's... sick," Harry said. He blinked. "Your sister had _puppies?_" 

"Ye- well, not technically, technically they were cubs, but you've got the general idea..." Remus grinned. "She gave birth at full moon, Harry. It's a hazard... they're human now, though. Most of the time." 

"What brought them here then?" Ron demanded. 

"Who knows? Me, Hagrid, Flitwick, Snape..." Remus sighed. "Sirius..." 

"It was me," Sirius said bluntly. "I surged, remember?" 

"Snape's not human?" Ron's eyes lit up and he turned to his best friend. "Pay up, Harry." Harry groaned and dug into his pocket; Hermione, who had come over as Harry asked about the quad, clucked her tongue disapprovingly; Sirius and Remus sniggered. 

"He's three-quarters human," Sirius said once Ron had been paid, "But that's still enough for the quad." 

"Why?" Hermione asked. "Why do they do it?" 

"Apparently we're a danger to humanity." Sirius growled. "My people were created to _help_ humans. Just because one corrupt Minister for Magic was exposed by one of us -" 

"What are you, then?" Ron asked curiously. 

"Don't ask, Ron, OK?" 

It was at this point that the portrait hole opened and four burly Ministry workers stepped into the room. 

/\/\/\

[1] NOT a typo. 

/\/\/\   
A/n; Oh... deary... deary... me.... ^___^ Siri and Remmie in trouble...   
Review! I only got three reviews for the last chapter! I'm desperate!


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